Getting Pregnant is Hard

I remember taking countless pregnancy tests over the years. I would huddle over the toilet and pray...pray for it to be negative. I wasn't ready to be a mom yet. I wanted to get through school. I wanted to get a job. I wanted to get married.

Today, I huddled over the toilet and prayed the test would be positive.

I am ready to be a mom.

Ready as I'll ever be.

I made it through school.

I have a job.

And I am married to my best friend.

I want to plant the seed.

Our own Baby Sieb.

But getting pregnant is hard.

And while I try not to obsess over the idea of getting pregnant, it controls my thoughts most days.

Pregnant woman everywhere.

I would be the smallest city, in the smallest state, in the smallest gas station and I would run into two pregnant people.

Okay, that was dramatic- but you get my point...

When I'm not pregnant people watching, I am Googling symptoms of pregnancy symptom...as if I'll find a new symptom.

And speaking of symptoms, pregnancy symptoms are bullshit.

Tender breasts. Meh. My boobs have a mind of their own.

Cramping. Oh, you mean the same sign that my period is coming or I ate too much cheese?

Back pain. On the regular.

Mood swings. Check- every single day.

Weight gain. Story of my life.

Nausea. The symptom for every illness.

Fatigue. Depends on how much caffeine I down that day.

So, by the time I am done reading all the symptoms....I've determined I'm either starting my period, have cancer, or I am pregnant. Either one.

Because you're reading this blog, you've opened up the door to my personal life. So, it's only fair that I tell you my periods are very irregular. And I've always had a fear that I'd be unable to get pregnant because of my irregularity. My cycles have been around 35 days long, which means I should be able to take a test this Friday and be considered "late."

My boobs hurt.

I'm cramping.

My back is killing me.

I've gained 10 lbs in two weeks.

I'm don't have too much nausea.

But I'm definitely tired.

My temperatures (I've been charting my temperature for the last two months) has been elevated for about 6 days now.....

With all of these symptoms in mind, I took a test tonight (even though I told myself I'd wait until Friday).

I prayed.

And prayed.

And prayed some more.

Then the results came through:

"Not Pregnant."

Much love,
Ashley